Midrange Apes

monkey

Most of the work meetings I go to are pretty boring. I mean, I’m a Production Manager, so the things we discuss are production processes, and…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……

I know, right? SO not exciting.

The best meeting I attended though ended up being really fun because we got into the following discussion:

Len, our Digital Production Manager, explaining a new procedure for preflighting advertising material: “Look, it’s so easy, even an ape could do it…”

Me: “Okay, wait a second. What kind of ape are we talking here? One of those ones that knows how to communicate and do sign language and stuff? Or just your run-of-the-mill, midrange ape?

Joan, my colleague: “You mean like those apes that put on voice-capturing gloves and can talk?”

Me: “What?? That’s not a thing, is it? Shut up. Apes can actually TALK now?”

Joan: “Yeah, but they have to wear these special tech gloves…” (mimes pulling a glove up her arm).

Karen, another colleague: “Have you guys seen that movie where this gang of talking apes drives around on motorbikes, smoking and roughing people up?”

Me: “Oh my god, NO, I have never seen that. But I now really want to!”

Len: “Can we PLEASE get back to the matter at hand?”

I tried, you guys. I really tried. But I had started laughing so hard that I eventually had to leave the boardroom, because come on! Apes on motorbikes! And apes wearing tech gloves! It’s just all too amazing.

Anyway, look. I think that when you are having a conversation about apes, it’s always important to establish what kind of ape you’re talking about — i.e. whether it’s a supersmart one or merely a midrange ape. Not to discriminate or anything, but more because that information obviously changes the context. Like, if you’re telling me that something is so easy that an ape could do it, but in reality you’re talking about Nim Chimpsky or one of those smarties from Planet of the Apes or whatever (they were doctors!), then it’s really not all that simple a task, now is it? And then it stands to reason that I might possibly have a little trouble with it myself? I just don’t want to be held to impossibly high ape standards, is all I’m saying…you understand.

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