I spend quite a bit of time writing about bad movies that I secretly love. Most of them are actually fairly decent films…but I’m not sure if that can really be said for Hackers, 1995’s cyber-conspiracy flick starring Jonny Lee Miller and Angelina Jolie. To be honest with you, probably the main reason I love this movie so much is because I’ve had a thing for Jonny Lee Miller ever since his turn as Sick Boy in Trainspotting. But I will also say that this is the only movie in which I have really found Angelina Jolie attractive.*
*That’s not actually true. She was pretty smoking in Gia as well.
I think I just liked Angelina more back when she was kind of boyish-looking and badass. She and Brad bore me, you guys. I think he makes her less exciting. Now, she and JLM on the other hand…is it weird and/or pervy to say that I would totally watch them make out? Well, I would. Don’t lie, you would too. Do you know that when they got married (in real life, not in the movie) she wore black rubber hot pants and a white men’s dress shirt with his name written across the back in her blood? Yes, that was her wedding day attire. See, isn’t that Angelina way more exciting than her current iteration?
Anyway, in Hackers she plays Kate Libby (a.k.a. “Acid Burn”), teen hacker extraordinaire and daughter of a world-renowned feminist author. JLM’s character, Dade (a.k.a. “Crash Override”) meets her on his first day at a new school and becomes instantly smitten with her, obviously.
Throughout the course of the movie, Angelina’s character sports a series of outfits that are at times kind of bordering on hideous, but she manages to pull them off. Let’s take a look:
In this scene she is wearing what appears to be a bright turquoise wetsuit, which is obviously insane…but she looks pretty decent!
These dudes loitering in the school hallway to check her out clearly think so too.
That is some funky eyeliner…
Well, this is pretty adorable…
This jacket/wetsuit combo is ridiculous. But, she’s still hot.
I literally cannot think of anyone else who would look good in an all-white onesie and shin guards…that is quite an accomplishment, I’d say.
Even though she looks like some sort of demented anime character, I secretly love this dress.
Let me be clear here — I don’t think most people would look good in any of these ensembles. But Angie is not most people, and she looks rad. I think she should ditch Brad, reunite with Jonny Lee (he’s single now, right?) and bring back her Hackers-era stylings. The world would be a better place for it.