Tag Archives: awesomely bad

90210 Is My Happy Place

I’ve recently started a Beverly Hills, 90210 re-watch project because, well, it is quite simply the best TV show of all time. Long time readers of this site may recall that I love it, have written about it on many occasions, and in fact often use the characters as examples when I am trying to make a point. I recently got my hands on the second season and have been devouring the episodes on a nightly basis. Last night I watched two of the most classic installments in the show’s repertoire – that is, the ‘I’d Like to Exchange an Egg’ episode, and the ‘Emily Valentine Goes Nuts and Tries to Torch a Homecoming Float’ episode. I really can’t express the supreme joy that these bring to my life. In the first, Brandon’s new girlfriend Emily Valentine takes the gang to an underground L.A. club and slips U4EA (get it?) into his drink, which is basically the biggest psycho move of all time.

What part of ‘I don’t want to try U4EA’ didn’t you understand, Em?

What part of ‘I don’t want to try U4EA’ didn’t you understand, Em?

Way to go Emily. Brandon has to leave his brand new yellow Mustang – which he slaved away all summer at the Beverly Hills Beach Club to buy, after having totaled his previous car in a drunk-driving accident – at the club. When he returns the next day to collect it various street thugs have made off with his hubcaps and spray painted rude slogans on the sides. Not to mention the fact that the doors were stolen. Jeez Emily. How is Brandon going to look cool now? Brandon promptly breaks up with Emily (as he should – please note that anyone who drugs you is not to be trusted, even if it is with a fun drug that makes you take off your shirt and tell people you love them).

We’re just high on life!

We’re just high on life!

The episode of course contains the requisite amount of hand-wringing from Cindy Walsh, fuming over Brandon’s inability to keep a motor vehicle intact from Jim Walsh, and holier-than-thou attitude from Brenda. All is right with the world. In a scary development though, I actually like what David is wearing.

If you’re gonna chug a bottle of whiskey and barf your guts up, might as well do it in style!

If you’re gonna chug a bottle of whiskey and barf your guts up, might as well do it in style!

In the next episode, which is officially titled ‘My Desperate Valentine’, we witness Emily’s rapid descent into creepy stalker territory. Her increasingly desperate tactics include continuously calling the Walsh household and hanging up, leaving racy answering-machine messages for Jim and Cindy to hear (gross!), slashing her own tires in a bid to get Brandon to invite her to sleep over, and then taking advantage of his hospitality when he does by sneaking out of Brenda’s room and into his bed in the middle of the night.

Imagine having to share a room with this creepster. WTF were you thinking, Walshes?

Imagine having to share a room with this creepster. WTF were you thinking, Walshes?

And then, as I have mentioned in a previous post, she bakes him a cake and leaves it on his doorstep. Aaaaaagh! Clearly the sign of an unbalanced individual. Brandon finally loses it and, as Steve so eloquently puts it, ‘basically tells her to drop dead’ in front of the entire gang, which would obviously be very humiliating but really, she kind of had it coming.

The face of a man who has reached his limit.

The face of a man who has reached his limit.

Look, it’s not that I don’t feel bad for Em. I do. Clearly she has issues. But as I have always said, having issues is not an excuse to lie, cheat, steal, or generally treat other people like crap. Especially when the person you’re treating like crap is everyone’s favorite Minnesota Twin, Brandon Walsh.

Fortunately all’s well that end’s well. Emily admits that she has a problem and needs help, which allows everyone to get back to business as usual. Brandon resumes his life of car payments, singledom, and charming the ladies. Brenda and Dylan continue with their teenage horn dog ways. Kelly resumes her snobbery, Donna her ditziness, Steve his bro-dude-ness, Andrea her extreme know-it-all annoyingness. And David goes back to proving that he might possibly have the worst fashion sense out of anyone alive during the ‘90s.

Even David himself is dismayed by this choice of blazer.

Even David himself is dismayed by this choice of blazer.

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Angelina Jolie in Hackers

hackers

I spend quite a bit of time writing about bad movies that I secretly love. Most of them are actually fairly decent films…but I’m not sure if that can really be said for Hackers, 1995’s cyber-conspiracy flick starring Jonny Lee Miller and Angelina Jolie. To be honest with you, probably the main reason I love this movie so much is because I’ve had a thing for Jonny Lee Miller ever since his turn as Sick Boy in Trainspotting. But I will also say that this is the only movie in which I have really found Angelina Jolie attractive.*

*That’s not actually true. She was pretty smoking in Gia as well.

I think I just liked Angelina more back when she was kind of boyish-looking and badass. She and Brad bore me, you guys. I think he makes her less exciting. Now, she and JLM on the other hand…is it weird and/or pervy to say that I would totally watch them make out? Well, I would. Don’t lie, you would too. Do you know that when they got married (in real life, not in the movie) she wore black rubber hot pants and a white men’s dress shirt with his name written across the back in her blood? Yes, that was her wedding day attire. See, isn’t that Angelina way more exciting than her current iteration?

Anyway, in Hackers she plays Kate Libby (a.k.a. “Acid Burn”), teen hacker extraordinaire and daughter of a world-renowned feminist author. JLM’s character, Dade (a.k.a. “Crash Override”) meets her on his first day at a new school and becomes instantly smitten with her, obviously.

angelina

Wouldn’t you?

Throughout the course of the movie, Angelina’s character sports a series of outfits that are at times kind of bordering on hideous, but she manages to pull them off. Let’s take a look:

angelina

In this scene she is wearing what appears to be a bright turquoise wetsuit, which is obviously insane…but she looks pretty decent!

angelina

These dudes loitering in the school hallway to check her out clearly think so too.

angelina

That is some funky eyeliner…

angelina

Well, this is pretty adorable…

angelina

This jacket/wetsuit combo is ridiculous. But, she’s still hot.

angelina

I literally cannot think of anyone else who would look good in an all-white onesie and shin guards…that is quite an accomplishment, I’d say.

angelina

Even though she looks like some sort of demented anime character, I secretly love this dress.

Let me be clear here — I don’t think most people would look good in any of these ensembles. But Angie is not most people, and she looks rad. I think she should ditch Brad, reunite with Jonny Lee (he’s single now, right?) and bring back her Hackers-era stylings. The world would be a better place for it.

Gossip Girl Series Finale

20121217-231155.jpg

So. Here I am, watching the series finale of Gossip Girl. I’ve been with this show since the beginning, even though the last season has been abysmal. Seriously. In fact, here’s a recent conversation I had about it:

My dad: “So what’s this ‘Gossip Girl’ all about, anyway?”

Me: “Well, it’s about these rich kids living on the Upper East Side in New York, and…” (exhausted) “…it’s just dreck, Dad. Complete and utter dreck. The only reason I even watch it is because…well, I love dreck”.

I’m sure my parents are very proud. Anyway, they’re doing an hour long retrospective leading up to the finale, and I’m actually discovering some interesting factoids about this show that I was not previously aware of. Such as:

  • – Ed Westwick, though not particularly attractive in my opinion, has a dead sexy British accent.
  • – The show was created by the same team behind ‘Dawson’s Creek’. This explains my affinity for it, although Dawson’s was of course far superior (Joey + Pacey 4ever!)
  • – Taylor Momsen is annoying beyond belief.
  • – Blake Lively might have the best legs ever.
  • – I care more about Chuck & Blair than I realized.

Okay, retrospective is over. Time to watch the finale, in which the identity of Gossip Girl is finally revealed. If any of you have already seen it, pls do not spoiler this for me!*

*Hahaha, who am I kidding? You’re all far too cool to be watching this shit.

Great Christmas Songs, Part 1

Okay. It’s that time of year again — no matter where you go, people are busting out the Christmas songs and carols. I, for one, love it. I am a huge fan of Christmas carolling, which will probably surprise some of you who know me, but it’s true!

Traditional carols are great, but there have also been some pretty excellent Christmas pop songs produced over the years. Over the next few days I will be sharing with you some of my favourites.

First up is Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’. This is possibly one of the cheesiest songs ever recorded, but I love it! Not in small part because of the RIDICULOUSLY AMAZING video:

Like, seriously. Everyone looks so amazingly, perfectly ’80s here that it is kind of blowing my mind. For example, these dudes:

wham! friends

And George Michael’s lady friend’s entire ensemble is pretty fantastic:

so '80s

As are these stellar ski goggles:

amazing

Ah, the ’80s!

Also, this image of George Michael in the fur hood is kind of making my life:

george michael

And the ‘smoldering’ look he gives the girl during the dinner scene kills me:

george michael

That is some fine acting work there, my friends.

In summary, I am choosing this as one of my fav Christmas songs because it hearkens back to a magical era known as the ’80s, when both women and men alike had feathered hair and wore day-glo colours and oversized shoulder pads, even in their ski coats! At Christmas time, it’s nice to be reminded of these halcyon days of yore…

Boy Meets World Reboot

boy meets world

Oh man. I can already tell that this post is going to contain many embarrassing facts. But I am so excited about this, I must tell you about it! I have just learned that Disney is planning a reboot of the classic* ’90s TV series Boy Meets World.

*I use the world ‘classic’ loosely, as I have never actually encountered anyone other than myself who watched this show. If there are other people out there who liked it as much as me, pls. let me know and we can confab about how great Shawn was, and how we constantly were annoyed by Topanga.

Okay, so in random order, here are the most embarrassing things about my (not-so)-secret love for Boy Meets World:

  1. 1. The fact that I am even aware of this series in the first place is rather mortifying. But as I have previously mentioned, I am a big sucker for Disney and Family channel shows. Nothing really bad ever happens to anyone on these shows! Sure, people make mistakes and sometimes alienate their friends, family members, teachers, school peers, etc. But they always learn a lesson from these experiences and go forward with more wisdom and better equipped to deal with the world. Their trials and tribulations are character building but never catastrophic, and generally everyone ends up safely tucked into their beds at the conclusion of each episode. I love this halcyon, hyperreal version of the world, and I will not apologize for it! If loving it is wrong, I don’t want to be right!
  2. 2. I know who Will Friedle is. Like, I have seen more than one thing he has appeared in, including the appalling 1997 teen flick Trojan War, also starring the insufferable Jennifer Love Hewitt. Yes, people. These are the life decisions I have made.
  3. 3. I used to have an inexplicable crush on Rider Strong, the actor who plays Shawn. He was a troubled youth! With a heart of gold! This is obviously a devastating combination to a teenage girl. Don’t judge.
  4. 4. I also had quite the crush on Adam Scott, who played charming bad boy Griffin Hawkins. I still have a celeb crush on Adam Scott though, because he is great, so I really don’t feel all that embarrassed by this detail. What is embarrassing, however, is his acting on the show (and, really, everyone else’s). Behold:

Yup! That is some pretty horrible thespianism. But I love it anyway.

So yeah, the new series is supposedly going to be titled Girl Meets World and will follow the adventures of Cory and Topanga’s now-teenaged daughter. I am not gonna lie to you guys, I cannot wait for this. Please please please universe, make this happen — and if you can get Adam Scott back for a cameo, all the better!

Grease 2

Today, I would like to talk about one of my favourite movies of all time. It’s not a good movie. In fact, it’s quite bad. But for whatever reason, watching it makes me ridiculously, joyfully ecstatic. Like, if I ever happen to come across it while flipping through the channels (which doesn’t happen often, because it really is awful so it doesn’t get much play) I literally start jumping around in excitement and yelling “YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (Never mind the fact that I own the movie on DVD). That’s how happy it makes me. My irrational love for Grease 2 truly knows no bounds.

I can see how this movie might have looked good on paper. The original Grease, starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, was a massive hit. I guess the producers figured that Grease 2 would be an easy win — just repeat the formula of the first movie and watch the bucks come rolling in. Boy were they wrong. Grease 2 was considered to be both a critical and commercial flop.

The second movie has basically the same plot as the first one, only inverted — this time the goody-goody foreign exchange student character is a guy, Michael Carrington (played by Maxwell Caulfield, who later romanced Brenda on 90210, and also starred in another one of my favourite movies, Empire Records). Michael lands at good old Rydell High on the first day of Senior Year and instantly becomes smitten with Stephanie Zinone, leader of the Pink Ladies (played by Michelle Pfeiffer, who might literally be the most beautiful person who has ever lived).

To give you an idea, here is IMDB’s synopsis of the movie:

An English student at a 1960’s American high school has to prove himself to the leader of a girls’ gang whose members can only date greasers.

I mean, how amazing is that? “A girls’ gang whose members can only date greasers”! I would like to know if such gangs still exist, and if so how I can find one and become a member post-haste. Embarrassing confession: when I was in the 5th grade, a bunch of my friends and I formed a gang based on the Pink Ladies. We called ourselves the ‘Chiclets’ and we cut out nameplates from gum packages (I know, so budget) and stapled them to the back our our acid wash jean jackets (it was the ’80s). We didn’t do anything remotely cool like smoke cigarettes in the bathroom, skip school, or date older boys — in fact we were basically the biggest dorks ever. But we were totally in love with the movies and wanted to emulate our heroes.

Anyway, here are a few of my favourite things about Grease 2:

– The fact that Michael Carrington is considered a ‘nerd’. I mean, look at this guy:

michael carrington

And that’s what he looks like before his transformation into a smokin’ hot motorcycle dude. It’s ridiculous, is what it is. I love it when movies try to pass off beautiful people as geeks.

– The song ‘Cool Rider’, which Stephanie sings to Michael to explain to him why she won’t date him.

Aaaaaahhhhh this song is SO AMAZINGLY BAD!!! I know all the words to it by heart. Seriously, I can totally bust it out for you the next time you see me. Bonus fun fact: I made my younger brother watch this movie so many times when we were kids that he too has the lyrics memorized.

– The talent show. The costume budget alone for the Pink Ladies number is highly implausible for a high school level event. Sidenote: I would really like to own Stephanie’s Christmas Tree dress and star crown:

a girl for all seasons

– The luau scene, when Steph and Michael finally get together.

luau

Awwwwww….

Really, I just love everything about this movie, from the bad acting to the mediocre-to-awful songs (there really aren’t any great ones) to the campy amazingness. If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favour and rent it.

p.s. In the process of doing my “research” for this post, I stumbled across a fan tribute to the song ‘Who’s That Guy’ on youTube. This is seriously one of the cutest things I have ever seen, and I wish I was BFFs with these girls as they are apparently even bigger fans of the movie than I am and this looks like one of the most fun projects ever.

Here’s the song from the movie:

And here’s their version:

Adorable, right? Girls, if you decide to remake ‘Cool Rider’, call me!

I Want My Two Dollars…

So, Better Off Dead is an amazing* movie, one of the many ’80s comedies that my brother and I were obsessed with as kids.

*And by amazing, I mean ridiculous.**

**And by ridiculous, I mean awesome.

There are many things to love about this movie, including…

The Meyer parents Christmas morning outfits:

xmas outfits

Lane’s mom’s cooking:

recipe

“It’s got raisins! You like raisins!”

Monique’s sunglasses:

monique

No suprise I am a fan of these…

The awesomely named douchebag bad guy:

roy stalin

Roy Stalin!

Badger’s extremely high success rate in picking up trashy women:

trashy women

Lane’s bizarre/awesome fashion choices:

lane

I love everything about this.

Ricky’s Christmas present to Monique:

ricky's xmas present

Everyone on my list is getting one of these this year (obvs with me in the frame, not Ricky — although I am going to dress up in his exact outfit)

Lane’s walk-in closet:

i want this closet

His creepy obsession with Beth aside, this is the most awesome closet ever. Totally wasted on a dude.

But the absolute best thing about this movie is the character of Johnny, the paper boy. I could never understand why Lane just didn’t cough up the $2 already (especially in the cemetary when he probably had some loose change in his pockets or whatever right?) It’s only two dollars! Even taking into account backwards inflation or whatever and adjusting to ’80s money, it’s still only like $7. But if he had, then we wouldn’t have these awesome scenes:

I mean, look at this kid’s dedication and determination! He totally rules, as far as I’m concerned. He is like the most intimidating 12-year-old ever. And what style!

iwantmy2dollars

“Two dollars…cash“.

I would not want to meet this dude in a dark alley, that’s for sure. He would totally beat me up and take, well…my two dollars!